Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
