then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
