cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
