What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
