someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
