i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
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She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
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Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
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