I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
