what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
They are going to name an STD after you.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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