Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
