So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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