Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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