Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Randomize
