Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
