Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
