they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
