I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
