69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
