have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
