His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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