You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
