Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I'm like, not good at living.
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