i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
my god I love twenty year old dicks
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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