He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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