I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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