Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
