Just mADE A PArabola og urine
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
