I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
My bed smells like the plague
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