I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
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