Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
