I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
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