why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Randomize
