I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
