my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
