A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
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My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
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So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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