Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
