I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
