At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
We are all done wearing pants today
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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