I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
