so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
