I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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