found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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