Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
