Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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