Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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