why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
