I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
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He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
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She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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