shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
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