I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
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