HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
