The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Randomize
