So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
