A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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