carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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