Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
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There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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