I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I love having hate sex.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
