Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
