here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
