if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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