The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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