my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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