Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Randomize
