she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Randomize
