I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
