Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
