you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
