my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize