Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
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