forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
