he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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