I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
