do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I would ride that face into the sunset
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Randomize
