I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
